Current:Home > reviewsHave you heard of 'relation-shopping'? It might be why you're still single. -WealthSpot
Have you heard of 'relation-shopping'? It might be why you're still single.
View
Date:2025-04-19 14:04:33
Do you find yourself always going on dates, and, no matter who you meet, feeling like there's someone out there who could check off more of the boxes you want in a partner?
If so, you might be "relation-shopping."
"Relation-shoppers" have a long list of rigid standards they want in a partner, but their requirements aren't always necessities. As a result, they have a hard time feeling satisfied with the person they're dating and, similar to "dating maximizers," constantly wonder if there's someone out there who could be better suited for them.
Dating experts say it's a problem exacerbated by dating apps and social media, which give people the illusion of limitless romantic possibilities. Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at the dating app Hinge and author of the book "How to Not Die Alone," has warned against relation-shopping on Instagram, where she defined it as searching for a partner "like we'd shop for new shoes."
Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men, says looking for love with this mentality is sure to spell disaster.
"You're setting yourself up for not feeling fulfilled and satisfied in your dating life," she says. "If you don't know what your end goal looks like, it's hard to know when to stop."
Why do people 'relation-shop'?
Online dating gets a bad rap for numerous reasons, including encouraging relation-shopping. With filters for height, advanced degrees and more, dating apps can put people in a mentality of looking for qualities in a partner like checking off items on a grocery list.
Plus, if you do meet a great person, dating apps with a sea of potential matches will probably make you wonder if you can do better.
"I am genuinely a fan of online dating," Anderson says. "It's a great way to get in front of more people, but dating apps and social media definitely exacerbate this problem."
Damona Hoffman, a dating coach and the author of "F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story," says dating apps don't deserve all the relation-shopping blame. After all, this has always been a problem, she says, and the real root of it is people not getting clear with themselves about what qualities actually matter to them in a partner from the get-go.
"It's not simply the availability of all of the options that makes people play the field," she says. "It's more that a lot of people are dating today without any clarity, without any intention."
'The ick' is all over TikTok.It may be ruining your chance at love.
How to go from relation-shopping to a relationship
Think you might be a relation-shopper? Here are some tips to move beyond it:
- Pause on swiping while you explore current matches: "Once you have matched with and you're chatting with a few people, don't keep swiping, because it's really easy to fall into almost a social media mindset of just endless swiping and scrolling," Anderson says.
- Outline your deal-breakers: Anderson recommends writing out three lists for yourself: What you must have in a partner, what would be nice to have in a partner and what you want to avoid. "You only want to focus on traits that will matter for you multiple years from now, assuming you're looking for a long-term partner," she says.
- Investigate where your dating lists come from: "It's like having a shopping list: 'He needs to be 6-feet tall or taller and make this much money and have this car, live here and be this educated,' " Hoffman says. "A lot of times that list doesn't actually align with what we want. That list was passed down to us. That list was seen in a romcom or read in a fairytale."
- Work on yourself: If you're not satisfied with your matches, try fixing up your profile or dating skills. "I like to help people improve their dating app profiles, improve their conversation skills, teach them how to flirt and generally make them a more attractive partner," Anderson says.
- Set boundaries around dating apps: "Don't be using it all day, every day," Anderson says. "That might mean 10 or 15 minutes of use a day. And then once you have matched with and you're chatting with a few people, don't keep swiping, because it's really easy to fall into almost a social media mindset of just endless swiping and scrolling."
- Accept that no one will check off every box: "There's always going to be something that could be a little bit better about somebody you're dating," Anderson says. "So if you are constantly feeling like you need to find the perfect person, you're setting yourself up for never finding them."
Is 'the spark' a red flag?Sometimes. Experts say look for this in a relationship instead
veryGood! (76)
Related
- Meta releases AI model to enhance Metaverse experience
- Anonymous video chat service Omegle shuts down, founder cites 'unspeakably heinous crimes'
- Pennsylvania House passes ‘shield law’ to protect providers, out-of-staters seeking abortions
- The Oakland Athletics’ move to Las Vegas has been approved by MLB owners, AP sources says
- Civic engagement nonprofits say democracy needs support in between big elections. Do funders agree?
- Trump’s lawyers want a mistrial in his New York civil fraud case. They claim the judge is biased
- Harry Styles divides social media with bold buzzcut look: 'I can't take this'
- Potential kingmaker in Dutch coalition talks comes out against anti-Islam firebrand Wilders
- Biden administration makes final diplomatic push for stability across a turbulent Mideast
- New York sues PepsiCo Inc. for plastic pollution, alleging the company contaminated drinking water
Ranking
- Appeals court scraps Nasdaq boardroom diversity rules in latest DEI setback
- A NASA astronaut's tool bag got lost in space and is now orbiting Earth
- New protests in Greece over Roma youth’s fatal shooting by police following car chase
- Selling Sunset's Bre Tiesi Rates Michael B. Jordan's Bedroom Skills During Season 7 Reunion
- Realtor group picks top 10 housing hot spots for 2025: Did your city make the list?
- Browns QB Deshaun Watson done for the season, will undergo surgery on throwing shoulder
- 'Next Goal Wins' roots for the underdogs
- France issues arrest warrants for Syrian president, 3 generals alleging involvement in war crimes
Recommendation
In ‘Nickel Boys,’ striving for a new way to see
How long should you wait to work out after eating? Here's what the experts say.
Israel and Switzerland draw 1-1 in Euro 2024 qualifying game in Hungary
Would you let exterminators release 100 roaches inside your home for $2500?
Military service academies see drop in reported sexual assaults after alarming surge
'Innovating with delivery': Chick-fil-A testing drone delivery at a 'small number' of locations
Indian rescuers prepare to drill to reach 40 workers trapped in a collapse tunnel since weekend
Jimmy Kimmel to host the Oscars for the fourth time